Tango tales

The most interesting conversations occur in the ladies’ room at Lo de Celia. Yesterday was no exception.  Silvia said that after ten years, she was finally beginning to learn about los codigos.  She doesn’t dance, but attends the ladies’ room.  Then another woman commented how she would rather not have to deal with los codigos.  Then she remarked how she didn’t understand why men wouldn’t invite her to dance after she had several tandas with the same man.  I told her that it’s about respect.  We changed our shoes and entered the salon as the music began.  The word of the day was “frio.”

It didn’t take long for the atmosphere to warm up with excellent tandas.  The Di Sarli tanda got everyone up.  That was the quickest way for the temperature to change from frio to warm–a man’s embrace–and that’s why the women came to dance.

Roberto stopped as he passed by the way to his table.  I asked him about his health.  There was a time when he could only dance one tango before he was out of breath and had to return to his table.  He explained this to me the first time we danced a few months ago.  Years of smoking have taken a toll on his lungs.  Yesterday he said he has improved and can practically dance an entire tanda.  Roberto said that he turned 73 on July 13.  He walked over to my corner, and we danced.  I noticed an improvement in his breathing while we danced.  He wasn’t out of breath when he walked me to my corner table near the bar.  His embrace is as good as it gets.  We danced the Miguel Caló/Raul Beron tanda.  He said, “this tango is Tristezas…and I said, “de la Calle Corrientes. I have the score.”  We had brief conversation between dances, but I made the mistake of asking his name.  I know that he sneaks out of the house as most of the men do and doesn’t tell his wife he’s going to the milonga.  Without waiting for me to look in his direction, he approached my table for another tanda, and then another and later another. Since I enjoy dancing with him, I accepted.  The other men who came over were not successful in their attempts.  I have this thing about dancing when and with whom I choose.  When Roberto had danced the last tanda with me, he said he would pass by my table as he was leaving.  I didn’t think a thing of it.  He said, well why don’t I come back next week so we can dance again, and then you can give me your phone number?  Then it registered with me.  I danced several tandas with him.  To him that means I may be interested in something more with him.  I blurted out something in response,  hoping I made it clear to him that I wasn’t interested in anything more than dancing with him.  He caught me by surprise.  If I wanted something more, he was available.  The milonga is not the place to meet a man for a relationship.  Believe me, I learned years ago.

I saw that the woman seated at the table in front of me was so eager to dance, she walked onto the floor before a partner arrived at her table.  I offered my advice to look around the room to dance with others so she didn’t have to dance exclusively with the one who was interested in more than just dancing with her.  A man in the opposite corner of the room was coming across the floor to dance with the woman seated at the next table, but she managed to intercept him on the floor before he reached his intended partner.  The man accepted the tanda with her and signaled apologetically to the woman at the table.  This same incident occurred later with another man who was going to dance with yet another woman nearby.  When she returned to her table, we had a talk.  She was totally unaware that the men had invited other women to dance.  Her eagerness to dance with anyone who crossed the floor was obvious.  She told me the first man is too tall a partner for her and that she didn’t care for his style.  I suppose she wanted to avoid dancing anymore tandas with the man who would have enjoyed dancing all evening with her.  I am finding that it’s not only foreigners who are unaware of los codigos.  It’s too bad that Argentines can’t read what I’ve written about los codigos on this blog.  At least the women can help each other in the ladies’ room.

Ten commandments of milongueros

After ten years of listening to men who are married to the milonga, I have compiled what I believe to be the ten commandments of milongueros.

1.  Thou shalt always dress well.  A milonguero bathes and shaves before the milonga. A pressed suit, clean shirt and tie are his uniform. Trimmed hair, shined shoes, and scent of cologne complete his attire for the milonga.

2.  Thou shalt dance ones own style.  A milonguero is a self-taught dancer with his own style, who can dance elegantly with any woman and make her happy.  A milonguero has learned by observing others, but he never copied them.  

3.  Thou shalt dance well or not at all.  If there is no woman with whom he can dance his best, a milonguero is content to listen to the music and observe the dancing.

4.  Thou shalt dance for yourself and your partner.  A milonguero dances what he feels and transmits that feeling to his partner.  He doesn’t dance to perform or for applause.

5.  Thou shalt treat women with respect.  A milonguero never approaches a woman at her table nor greets women while entering the milonga. 

6.  Thou shalt invite a woman to dance from the table.  A milonguero uses either a tilt of the head or movement of the lips to invite a woman to dance.  The invitation is subtle and not obvious to others in the milonga.  Once his invitation is refused by a woman, he will not invite her again.

7.  Thou shalt not dance with another man’s partner.  A milonguero takes time to observe the floor for several tandas so that he knows if a woman he wants to invite has a commitment with another man.  This is not always obvious since they are seated separately, but dance only with one another.  A milonguero has learned patience.

8.  Thou shalt dance in the floor space available.  A milonguero dances compactly without interfering with others dancing.  If he touches other dancers, he quickly acknowledges it by raising his hand. 

9.  Thou shalt not dance consecutive tandas.  A milonguero dances only when he is inspired by the music.  He can wait hours to hear his favorite orchestra or a certain tanda that inspires him to dance.  A milonguero prefers quality over quantity. 

10. Thou shalt not be seen leaving the milonga with a woman.  A milonguero arranges to meet a woman on the street.  He always leaves the milonga alone, just as he enters it.

Roles in tango

Adriana Pegorer presented her investigation, Performing Gender: Tango in the Milongas of Buenos Aires, in a video conference for Body, Movement and Dance in Global Perspective, Hong Kong in July 2008.  Her presentation in three parts is recommended viewing to understand the cultural surrounding tango in Buenos Aires.  I found it interesting.

¡Basta de planchar!

When it comes to sitting all night without being asked to dance in the milongas, these are the familiar words heard from many women.  There are usually more women than men in the milongas, and usually there are men seated during tandas–something women don’t understand.

There was a time when attending group classes before a milonga was the only way to meet potential partners for the milonga.  During the past several years, agencies have sprung up in Buenos Aires for the sole purpose of supplying male partners to mainly single women over 40 to dance in the milongas.  The going rate is $30 USD per hour for a minimum of three hours per night for a hired dance partner. The women don’t have to worry about the cabeceo and can spend more time dancing than sitting.  One of these experienced tango taxi dancers averages 20 clients each month.  That’s a very good income by local standards.  A man can work five nights a week and fewer hours than a regular job, but still earn enough to have a comfortable living.  All he needs is to know how to dance, have a wardrobe of suits and shoes, and speak some broken English to get by.

Foreigners travel to Buenos Aires to dance with Argentines.  The number of tourists in some milongas often outnumber the locals.  Some have chosen the taxi dancer route to insure they will dance with an Argentine.  It must be worthwhile because a new agency opened last year and another one this month.

I’ve seen a particular taxi dancer working for the past three years in the milongas.  His dancing is passable, but has clients who continue to pay for his services.  I saw him this week with one of his regular clients.  They sit together, but it’s obvious to everyone that they are not a couple; she may be thirty years older than he is, she seems content in dancing all night with him. 

I have tried to convince my milonguero friends to consider this work for themselves without success.  Many could certainly use the money.  They would have to dance with women with whom they didn’t enjoy dancing.  It’s simply not worth it to them.  They go to the milongas to dance with whom and when they want to dance.  Milongueros don’t want to share a table with a woman, least of all a foreign one.  It would be obvious to everyone that they are being hired for their services.  No amount of money is worth it to them.

The foreign women who sit at my table have no problem in being invited to dance.  I advise them on the codes and customs in advance and point out potential partners.  It’s their job to do the rest in order to dance.  I will not obligate any man to dance with someone, although others do so regularly.

Many equate not dancing to having a bad time at a milonga.  Of course, I attend a milonga with the intention to dance.  If there are no men with whom I care to dance, I enjoy listening to the music.  I have done my share of planchar (to sit out a dance) at milongas.  One tanda with a milonguero is more than enough to keep me happy for the night.

Quiere tomar un café?

For those of you who need a translation of the above, it says: Do you want to have coffee?  This is a question in the milongas worth an explanation for those of you who haven’t yet visited Buenos Aires.

You have danced more than a couple tandas with the same man.  It is getting close to the end of the milonga.  You have been engaging in brief conversation between dances about the music, etc.  Since you understand the language somewhat, he decides to see if he can take things a bit further by inviting you for coffee.  You are flattered that a man who you just met for the first time wants to invite you for coffee.  You don’t have any plans after the milonga, so what’s the big deal?

You accept his invitation at the end of a tanda.  He tells you he will meet you outside on the street corner.  You feel that’s a strange way to meet him. Afterall, he seems interested in getting to know you, so why won’t he be a gentleman, wait for you to change your shoes in the ladies’ room, and then walk out with you?

Ladies, a man who invites you for coffee is inviting you for more than just coffee.  You need to learn about Argentine men and why they go to the milongas.  In a previous posting, I explained how three tandas with the same man to means you are together or at least interested.  If you continue dancing all night long with the same man, he is going to interpret that you are interested in something more. You shouldn’t be surprised when he invites you for coffee or dinner after the milonga.  It can start there and go as far as you want it to go.

When two people agree to leave the milonga together, they do so as discreetly as possible.  The man returns to his table, pays his bill, and walks out of the milonga to wait for her around the corner, away from the entrance to the milonga.  She waits until he has left the premises so that they aren’t seen walking out together.  She goes to the designated meeting spot, which could be the corner to take a taxi to another location.

My partner and I had a similar arrangement on Friday nights at the beginning of our relationship.  We arrived alone at the milonga.  We sat separately in the milonga.  We danced with others.  He sat at a table with other milongueros.  At the end of the night, we decided when we had danced enough.  He walked out of Club Gricel and waited for me to arrive at the corner before we went to his car.  Anyone who paid attention could see that we were leaving at the same time, but we didn’t walk out together.  After several weeks of seeing us dancing together, it was obvious that we were a couple. 

If you find yourself interested in having coffee after a milonga, you now know the rules.

Tanda Trifecta

A new visitor to Buenos Aires was going regularly to her favorite afternoon milonga.  She was gaining more confidence each day in using the cabeceo and was enjoying tandas with several Argentine men.  There was one in particular with whom she enjoyed dancing.  She accepted two invitations from him one afternoon.  When it came to the third tanda with her, other dancers on the floor were teasing him that they must be novios.

In our conversation that night, she related the sequence of events and wanted to know what people were talking about.  She thought she had done something wrong and needed clarification from me on los codigos.  I explained that if a woman dances three tandas with the same man, it is because she is either in a relationship with him or wants to be.  My friend was surprised and asked if she should stay away from that milonga because of the incident.  I encouraged her to return, because now she knew what three tandas, especially three consecutive tandas, with the same man means in the milongas of Buenos Aires.  Everyone makes a mental note of who is dancing with whom. This can be interpreted as a clear signal to all the other men in the room that she wants to dance the entire afternoon with the same man.  Other men will ignore her, just as they would if she was seated at a table with a man.

This is an example of why it can take years to fully understand los codigos milongueros.   The milongueros observe the women first, and if they see they do not have a compromiso with one man, an invitation comes later.  One codigo is never to dance with the partner of another man.

___________

Trifecta: used in horse racing in which the bettor must predict which horses will finish first, second, and third in exact order; a term used to describe any successful or favorable phenomenon or characteristic that comes in threes.

Tango codes

Those two words have generated heated discussion.  There was a time when we were told that “tango has no rules.”  Eventually we learned that it has rules.  Many refuse to respect them.  They are no more than guidelines that have been in place for all social dancing for decades.  Code is another word for rule.  Games have rules, and so does ballroom dancing.  Tango is a ballroom dance.  Then tango has rules like other social dances.  Like any sport, they establish rules of behavior so everyone can enjoy participating.

1. Dress appropriately.
2. Remember personal hygiene.
3. The man invites the woman.
4. The man leads, remains in control, and protects his partner.
5. Respect the line of dance. 
6. Be aware of others around you.
7. Do not teach on the floor.
8. Apologize to your partner if you step on her foot, and to other dancers if you interrupt their dancing.
9. Escort your partner off the floor.
10. The floor is for dancing, not for conversation.

These rules are part of all ballroom dance instruction.  It’s impossible to learn to dance without learning these rules.  And yet, one organizer in Buenos Aires has found it necessary to announce the line-of-dance rule at his milonga and to enforce it to keep disaster from ocurring.

What sets tango apart from other dances are the unwritten codes of personal behavior that are respected by milongueros.  I found an interesting list of codes on the internet.  I don’t agree with the complete list, but it covers many of the codes observed by milongueros.  These codes are disappearing from use because the milongueros are disappearing from the milongas.

Elba Celia Biscay

February 26, 1941 –

I have admired Elba’s dancing for the past ten years in the milongas.  She learned to dance as a teenager in a neighborhood club.  Elba married and raised a family.  This photo shows her as a redhead, but she is more often a blond. 

Elba was the only milonguera interviewed for the television series Codigos de Milongas  on Solo Tango.  In the July 8, 2006 broadcast, Elba talked about experiences in her youth and how much things have changed today.  Women never wore pants to dance, but that’s her normal attire these days.  Her advice to women is to wear colored clothing rather than all black to tell everyone “estoy aqui” (Here I am).  In her early dancing days, she went to Confiteria Sans Souci and Club Monte Carlo, both on Avenida Corrientes.  Her best advice is “You have to like tango before you learn to dance it.” 

Elba competed in the finals of the III Campeonato Mundial de Tango (August 2005) with Osvaldo Centeno.  In 2006 she and Antonio Yuffré placed tenth in Milonga and sixth in Tango of the V Campeonato Metropolitano de Baile de Tango and then fifth in the Senior Tango division of the VI Campeonato Metropolitano de Baile de Tango in 2008.

Elba has been dancing in Milonguisimo with Alberto Dassieu and other partners in Oscar Hector Malagrino’s show in Confiteria Ideal.

Mi Buenos Aires Querido

Today is the tenth anniversary of my arrival to live in Buenos Aires. I was enrolled in a continuing education course I call ”Milonga Codes and Customs” with no materials for study.  Everything was either observed or shared by milongueros.  I want to share a few things I learned.

One’s tango dancing improves in the milongas.
Attending tango classes hasn’t really helped my dancing when I think about it. What has helped me the most is going to dance, having to adjust to every partner’s style and improvising in the moment.

A man who comes to the table doesn’t know how to dance.
I learned this lesson the hard way with lots of awful tandas because I wanted to dance. It took time to be able to avoid responding to those who approach the table. I would rather sit and enjoy the music than suffer through a tanda. 

The tango embrace of an Argentine is why women return to Buenos Aires.
Tango is an embrace in Buenos Aires. Argentine men love tango and women. They aren’t shy about embracing women. Foreign women find the embrace they have dreamed of. The trip is worth it for this alone.

Each tango orchestra has a unique style just like every milonguero.
It took years for this revelation even though I am a trained musician. When it finally dawned on me, I relied on my musically trained ear to help me identify the orchestra before I selected a potential partner for each tanda. 

The organizer sets the tone of each milonga.
Not all milongas are alike. Knowing the organizer and deejay gives you a pretty good idea about a milonga. Then when you finally get comfortable going regularly to your favorite milongas, things will probably change.

There are very few men who dance tango very well.
Visualize a pyramid. The masses are at the bottom, but only a few preserver and achieve the summit. That’s the way it is in every endeavor in life. We may not be the best dancers in the world, but we can always dance our best. That’s enough.  We dance our best with those who dance well.

Respect the tradition of the cabeceo.
The cabeceo (movement of the head) has been used in Buenos Aires for decades to invite a woman to dance. It’s a test for learning patience. We should respect the tradition along with the rest of the milonga codes.

Music is why we dance.
It can inspire us. It can transport us. We need to connect with it in order to express it. Then we understand why tango isn’t just a dance, but it’s a feeling that is danced. We have to know the music well to dance well. There is nothing quite like tango.

The milongueros are a vanishing species.
There aren’t many of them left. There will never be another generation like them. They are the self-taught dancers who learned from their youth and lived for the nights of tango along Corrientes. They dance well or not at all. They taught me what it means to dance tango.

The Code of Respect

This is an experience I had a few years ago in Lo de Celia. There was a certain milonguero who knew me through his friend who was my partner for a few years. I looked in his direction at the beginning of several tandas. I knew that he saw me looking in his direction. He diverted his glance and invited others to dance. This went on for two hours or more until he finally nodded to me, and I accepted. After our first dance he told that he had never danced with me because I was his friend’s partner. He wanted to be certain that his friend and I were no longer together before he invited me.

Alito Candamil always shared a table in the milongas with Ricardo Vidort and Osvaldo Bottino. I danced regularly with Alito years ago, but never with Ricardo Vidort. Ricardo always greeted me, but it was years until he invited me to dance when he saw I wasn’t dancing with Alito and no longer with my partner.

Milongueros will observe the dancing before inviting someone to dance. That is so they can observe to determine if a woman whom they want to invite is dancing exclusively with one man. Three tandas with the same man is a public declaration that two people are together. Milongueros will not interfere with those who have a commitment, even though they are not seated together at the same table.

Milongueros are respectful of others, on and off the dance floor. On the floor, they carefully observe others to avoid collisions and dance in the space available. They have many years of experience on crowded floors when bumping into others meant being asked to leave the milonga. If there is a collision, a prompt acknowledgement–perdón–by the offender is made. 

Milongueros will never approach a woman at her table for conversation or an invitation to dance. The cabeceo can be used only if a woman looks in his direction. If she doesn’t make eye contact, he simply cannot invite her. If he nods and she turns her head indicating her rejection of his invitation, he will never invite her again. The dance begins with a mutual agreement that respects the woman’s right to choose the man with whom she wants to dance for ten minutes. A verbal invitation obligates a woman to either make an excuse or accept the invitation with someone she has no interest dancing.

Milongueros know that a couple seated together at the table are there to dance with one another. A milonguero will never interfere in their relationship. If a woman is seated with a man, she is making it clear to everyone that she is there to dance only with him.

P.S.  Hours after writing this post, I found what Carlos Alberto Estévez (better known as “Petróleo”) said on the subject: 

. . . cómo respetar a los ausentes; si éstos son amigos, no bailar con la compañera o mujer de los que no están; es corno una prueba de amistad.

No se baila con mujeres que tuvieron relaciones con asiduos a la milonga.

Respect those who are absent; if they are friends, don’t dance with the partner or woman of those who aren’t there–it’s a test of friendship.

Don’t dance with women who have relationships with regulars of the milonga.