After ten years of listening to men who are married to the milonga, I have compiled what I believe to be the ten commandments of milongueros.
1. Thou shalt always dress well. A milonguero bathes and shaves before the milonga. A pressed suit, clean shirt and tie are his uniform. Trimmed hair, shined shoes, and scent of cologne complete his attire for the milonga.
2. Thou shalt dance ones own style. A milonguero is a self-taught dancer with his own style, who can dance elegantly with any woman and make her happy. A milonguero has learned by observing others, but he never copied them.
3. Thou shalt dance well or not at all. If there is no woman with whom he can dance his best, a milonguero is content to listen to the music and observe the dancing.
4. Thou shalt dance for yourself and your partner. A milonguero dances what he feels and transmits that feeling to his partner. He doesn’t dance to perform or for applause.
5. Thou shalt treat women with respect. A milonguero never approaches a woman at her table nor greets women while entering the milonga.
6. Thou shalt invite a woman to dance from the table. A milonguero uses either a tilt of the head or movement of the lips to invite a woman to dance. The invitation is subtle and not obvious to others in the milonga. Once his invitation is refused by a woman, he will not invite her again.
7. Thou shalt not dance with another man’s partner. A milonguero takes time to observe the floor for several tandas so that he knows if a woman he wants to invite has a commitment with another man. This is not always obvious since they are seated separately, but dance only with one another. A milonguero has learned patience.
8. Thou shalt dance in the floor space available. A milonguero dances compactly without interfering with others dancing. If he touches other dancers, he quickly acknowledges it by raising his hand.
9. Thou shalt not dance consecutive tandas. A milonguero dances only when he is inspired by the music. He can wait hours to hear his favorite orchestra or a certain tanda that inspires him to dance. A milonguero prefers quality over quantity.
10. Thou shalt not be seen leaving the milonga with a woman. A milonguero arranges to meet a woman on the street. He always leaves the milonga alone, just as he enters it.
Tags: milongueros, tango
June 3, 2009 at 5:48 am
Very good post, hardly any of these rules are followed in London …
Would you mind elaborating on #5? Why is it wrong to greet woman when entering a Milonga? Saying hello, especially if they are friends can’t be a sign of disrespect can it?
June 3, 2009 at 11:33 am
Good question. It is generally common today to see people enter a milonga in BsAs and walk around the room greeting everyone they know. This is done by teachers who greet their students; it’s a way of demonstrating to other Argentines how popular they are with tourists. This is a major change from the way it was in milongas before the flood of tourism. The result is more noise and less attention given to the music.
It probably is based more in the culture. Latin men don’t have women friends. The environment of the milonga is machista. A milonguero may greet a friend with whom he shares a table, but that’s all. I have seen this time and time again because I carefully observe a milonguero entering a milonga, how he is seated at a front table, with whom he shares a table, and how he observes the room and the floor. Milongueros are competing with one another for the best dancers in the room. One’s personal life is left at the door of the milonga. Milongueros have wives at home. The women in the milongas are their conquests.
Those who go to the table to greet someone aren’t doing so out of friendship; their motive is to gain the attention of someone with whom they want to dance. It is a way of obligating someone for a tanda. Milongueros are under no obligation to dance with any woman. They decide when and with whom they will dance. Many milongueros refuse to accept free admission to milongas which obligate them to dance with more women. The milonga isn’t a social environment for milongueros. An asado with friends serves that purpose.
The tradition of going to dance in a club de barrio where young men stood in the center of the room, unable to speak with young ladies until they danced is deeply engrained in them. Conversation at dances has always been brief and private during a tanda.
I know that I will not have nor do I want to have any conversation with a man at my table. It is not a sign of disrespect when a milonguero enters and doesn’t greet me. I accept the milonga customs as they are.
The foreign invasion at the milongas has created a different atmosphere where socializing takes priority over the music.
June 5, 2009 at 12:59 pm
Thanks for the detailed response! It’’s good to understand how things have changed over time.
June 5, 2009 at 1:32 pm
The milonguero codes and customs are disappearing from the milongas with the milongueros. Foreigners, for the most part, have not taken the time to learn and respect them.
June 6, 2009 at 4:39 pm
Hey Jantango,
Thanks for the post, and though I recognize that this may have been the code of the past, I have to wonder whether or not this is the correct code going into the future?
Personally, I feel as though many of these rules are outdated and even a bit disrespectful to the women (coming at this from a man’s perspective …). Why must a man arrange to meet a woman on the corner of the street as if she were some piece of work he’s picking up on his way home? Why cannot two friends, regardless of their relationship status (friend or romantic), enter and leave milongas together?
Similarly, #7 feels as though that woman has limited choices just because of her relationship with another man. Quite the contrary, shouldn’t the man feel comfortable enough in their relationship that no matter who she dances with, she’ll still want to come home with him that night (if they are truly dating …). Why must the woman undergo a dual standard of being “assigned” to their date whereas the man is free to dance with whomever he likes (more or less)?
Still, I can understand and respect the tradition these rules derive from. Perhaps these rules are dying because they represent an old way of thinking about gender relations, and the standards some of the rules set are unpalatable for a younger generation. Maybe it’s time to update the rules to still maintain the best of yesterday while including the advances of today to make for a truly more enjoyable future?
Just my thoughts,
-h
June 6, 2009 at 7:30 pm
As far as the continuing use of the codes in Buenos Aires, those who know them continue to respect them. They are part of the culture of tango in the milongas of Buenos Aires. What dancers decide to do elsewhere is up to them.
When you understand the culture in which the codes were formed, they are still part of milonga life. When a young milonguero danced three tandas with a young lady, it was established that they were a couple and were going to marry. If one hasn’t been immersed in the milonga culture of Buenos Aires, these rules seem outdated.
When a man meets a woman on the corner after dancing in the milonga, it is for the purpose of a sexual encounter. It is a courtesy to the woman that they avoid leaving the milonga together. As I stated in a previous comment, latin men don’t have female friends, especially not those of the milongas. If they are a couple (married or living together), they will sit together and leave together.
When a woman chooses to be in a relationship with a man, she is his. His friends will respect that relationship by not dancing with her. Those who may not be aware of it will observe how often a woman dances with the same man. Several tandas with one man is enough confirmation that she is “en pareja.” Women outnumber the men in milongas, so a man can usually find someone else to dance with. Even if they sit at different tables (as milongueros usually do), they will dance all night only with each other when he wants to dance. Remember, the milonga is machista territory.
Men know how they can make conquests in the milongas. Dancing the last two hours with the same woman is usually an indication that she is available.
The codes are dying for one reason: the milongueros who respect them are disappearing and dying. They are in line with the tango culture of Buenos Aires. They haven’t been adopted in the USA because no one has learned them within the culture.
The codes of dressing well, dancing well, dancing one’s own style, using the cabeceo, and respecting women have been around since the 1940s. If a younger generation of tango dancers in Buenos Aires wants to adopt new rules, they are free to do so. The old ones aren’t set in stone although they have lasted a long time.
Thanks for your questions.
June 21, 2009 at 9:03 pm
Hi Janis, nice post and interesting discussion in the comments!
While I have the greatest respect for the culture of the milongas, I, too, feel that some of these literally belong in another time as does the tango itself somehow. So, how much to change and what to keep? Knowing the past and present is a good start. Thanks for sharing.
July 13, 2009 at 2:49 am
Very interesting. While just a westerner I have my own codes. When I accompany a woman to a dance, I will always have the first and last dance with her. If another man asks her to dance before I have had the first dance, I will step in and refuse him (politely of course). I do this out of respect for the woman because she has accompanied me.
I find these traditions in the Buenos Aires milongas to make a lot of sense. It may not be a matter of past or present times, but which ones fit the culture where the tango has migrated.
July 13, 2009 at 2:15 pm
The codes for ballroom dancing are more widely known and practiced than those of the milongueros.
It would seem strange to a milonguero to hear that a man can escort a woman to a dance and then not dance only with her.
These codes in the form of ten commandments are useful to know if you enter a milonga in Buenos Aires. I doubt they will gain worldwide acceptance among tango dancers.
July 23, 2009 at 3:56 pm
I like all of these ‘rules’ and wish that they were worldwide.
It reads like the courtship rituals of an exotic tropical fish, and it is beautiful. I’ve been dancing only two years (almost) but I can already see the sublime sense in all of these commandments. I’m trying to do as many of them as I can.
September 4, 2009 at 4:32 am
thanks a lot for very interesting post and discussions.
> These codes in the form of ten commandments are useful to know if you
> enter a milonga in Buenos Aires. I doubt they will gain worldwide
> acceptance among tango dancers
My feeling is the same (though I’d prefer something different).
Person’s attitude to codigos depends on the purpose, what are you looking for in the tango world. For milongueros it is not a question at all, codigos are the world.
For those not from Buenos Aires it seems artificial to apply oversees “urban folk” traditions to their social environments. They have other social and personal interests and habits.
Only those outsiders who are looking for authentic cultural experiences, not “just” dance, might be an exception. They see those rules as a part of tango itself.
Again, thanks for the post.